As part of our work, I suggest my clients purchase two copies of the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Together, we will work through the journey of healing - from the struggle to understand, the process of apology and repair, rebuilding the relational connections and finding the willingness to forgive and heal.
Simultaneously, we will be focusing on the individual constraints and relational dynamics that contributed to the distance and disconnection that so often makes a relationship vulnerable to boundary violations.
I encourage clients to watch Esther Perel's TED Talk about healing from infidelity. Like Esther, I believe in (and have witnessed) the possibility of growth in the face of this trauma. If you're interested in a transcript of her talk, visit www.ted.com and find this talk's home page.
While infidelity can precipitate the end of some relationships, the research shows that most marriages do not end. Some couples remain married and never address the issues - but they remain stuck in pain and lonliness. Other couples find the courage and commitment to be vulnerable and do the hard work to heal and rebuild their marriage by seeking professional support and guidance.
My hope is that you decide to struggle through this "dark night of the soul" together so that you come through the other side transformed, both individually and relationally.